Walking the road with tears and a twinkle

My faith does not provide answers to all the questions, or a complete and rational explanation for life, the universe, and everything. Nor does it guarantee a perfect, unambiguous and carefree way of living.

But it does give expression to the wonder and gratitude I so often feel, and to the questions, the grief, the anger and the longings of my heart. And it gives me hope, a sense of purpose, and a framework for living.

So, in spite of – or perhaps because of – all my doubts and uncertainties, my scepticism and frustration, I keep walking this road with both tears and a twinkle in my eye.

February 26, 2020February 29, 2020

Some further reflections on life and death

Last week our dear friend Arlene died: peacefully in her bed on a Sunday morning.

Eight years ago my wonderful wife Helen died: suddenly and unexpectedly at the airport in Manila.

Both of them had lived good and full lives, were deeply loved, and had brought a lot of love to a lot of people. Neither of them ‘deserved’ to die so soon.

I have been thinking a lot recently about life and death. And I’m very pleased to be alive. And healthy, loved, and with a meaning and purpose to my life. I am pleased to have more time in this life with Lois, with Esther and Joe, with my friends, my family, my work and all that I’m involved in. Not that I’m afraid of dying. While I have no wish to die prematurely (I still have so much I want to be and to do with this life, so many relationships I want to enjoy) or to have to suffer, and I have no desire to leave Lois, Esther, Joe or anyone else feeling bereaved, I think I can genuinely say that when the time comes, I can embrace death.

If the faith that has meant so much to me throughout my life is true, then I truly can look forward to ‘meeting my maker’ – to knowing fully, just as I am fully known; to being embraced by love itself; to being set free from the pain, the mistakes, the troubles of this world; and to experiencing resurrection – and the promised new heaven and new earth in which there is no more death or mourning or crying or pain.

In the week before she died, Helen seemed to have glimpsed something of that promise; she spoke of a deep sense of her own belovedness. And in a strange way, she seemed to sense an invitation to join in that eternal dance of recreation.

So, although the pain of losing Helen, and the grief we feel over Arlene’s death are no less because of it, it isn’t hard to picture both of them dancing together in that new creation.

And what if it is all a delusion? What if I’ve got it all wrong and there is no God, no resurrection and no new creation?

I do wonder that sometimes, and I have to accept that is a possibility: after all, I can’t prove that my faith is true.

But if that is the case, then really I have lost nothing, and gained everything anyway. Whether I die tomorrow or live another 40 years, I know that I have lived a full, fun and meaningful life. This faith has given me meaning and a purpose to my life. It has given me a focus for the gratitude and wonder that I feel: gratitude for the love I’ve known, for the many blessings that have marked my life; wonder at the beauty, truth and goodness in our world. The narrative of the Bible has provided a frame that seems to make some sense of life, provides a realistic perspective on the suffering, violence, lies and greed that trouble our world, and above all, provides a hope that this suffering isn’t the way things are meant to be, and that ultimately there will be an end to all that and an overturning of the way things are. And, for me, seeking to follow the life and teachings of Jesus has, I believe, both enriched my own life and been the motivation to seek to bless others and leave this world a better place, even if only in a tiny part.

For whatever reason, or lack of reason, I seem to have once again been granted a new lease of life, and I am really looking forward to whatever lies ahead.

So, for now, I will take each day as it comes, grateful to be alive. I will continue to grieve over the loss of those I love and over the ongoing ugliness, selfishness and violence of our world. And I will continue to appreciate beauty, goodness and truth wherever I may find it. So that, whether my life from now is short or long, I hope I shall have lived abundantly.

March 21, 2019

Child protection: challenging our beliefs

The awful events in Christchurch, New Zealand recently have highlighted, once again, how an individual’s belief systems (in that context, those of ‘white supremacy’) can have devastating effects on others’ lives; but also (as seen in the response of individuals, communities, and political and religious leaders) how they have the power to bring healing, reconciliation and change. What is equally clear is that those beliefs do not arise out of the blue, but for all of us reflect a complex web of family, societal and cultural influences.

Challenging Belief Systems and Professional Perspectives to Protect Children from Harm

Our first issue of Child Abuse Review for 2019 picks up on issues of how our beliefs (whether as parents, professionals, or as a society) impact on the safety and well-being of children and can both help or hinder our efforts to keep children safe.

We start the issue with a review and two original research papers that tackle uncomfortable issues around faith and beliefs, and their potential for harm. Between them, they highlight again how, while keeping our focus on the well-being of the child, a deeper understanding of an individual’s belief systems (even where these may differ considerably from our own) could help us in our efforts to protect children from harm.

In a deeply disturbing conceptual review, Julie Taylor and colleagues explore the vulnerability of children with albinism in sub‐Saharan Africa. As well as their inherent vulnerability as children and the impairments caused by their albinism, the authors point out how these children

‘may face a society that demonises, marginalises, stigmatises and discriminates against [them], especially in rural areas where myths abound and traditional healers are very powerful’.

The very visible difference in appearance of these children may lead to them being rejected or ostracised as their albinism may be perceived by their family and society as somehow cursed. Even more disturbingly, though, are beliefs that their body parts may somehow bring good fortune, so they may be abused, mutilated and killed to obtain such ‘good luck’ charms. This presents a very complex and concerning situation which we in the West may find difficult, if not impossible, to comprehend – one in which deep‐seated beliefs, differences in culture and society, and other socio‐economic factors all interact to create situations of vulnerability and risk.

The beliefs and abuses documented in Taylor and colleagues’ review may seem a world away from the contexts within which most of us are practising. However, even in the UK, children have been harmed and killed in situations in which beliefs in witchcraft or spirit possession have played a part. What may be far more common, though, even less well recognised, and potentially harder to address are less extreme situations of abuse and neglect linked to faith or belief. This forms the subject of an original research paper by Lisa Oakley and colleagues from the National Working Group on Child Abuse Linked to Faith or Belief and the Victoria Climbié Foundation. As Oakley and colleagues point out, such cases are not limited to extreme beliefs in witchcraft or spirit possession, but include cases of medical neglect and excessive physical punishment. Within this context, the increased focus on safeguarding within faith communities is to be welcomed. Nevertheless, in their survey, the authors identified a lack of confidence among practitioners, community groups and faith groups in how to recognise and respond to cases of child abuse linked to faith or belief.

Building on an earlier National Action Plan, Oakley and colleagues identify a need for much more research in this area, along with greater dialogue between statutory and voluntary agencies and faith communities, increased faith literacy training for frontline practitioners and the adoption of a broader definition of child abuse linked to faith and belief.

Part of this broader definition could include the issues of clerical institutional child abuse and the interaction of belief systems, power and control within the church. The harm caused by such institutional abuse is now well recognised, although there is still a long way to go in terms of how the church and society respond to harms caused in the past and safeguard against similar abuse happening now. In our next research paper, Jeff Moore and colleagues look at the experiences of 102 Irish survivors of clerical institutional child abuse and factors that have helped with their resilience. There may be much wider lessons here for how we support young people who have experienced abuse of all kinds (and perhaps particularly those who have experienced abuse linked to faith or belief) in building resilience and coping with the trauma that they have experienced.

Working with vulnerable families

Our next two research papers by Jessica Wagner and colleagues (Intergenerational transmission of domestic violence) and Karen Hanson and colleagues (Family-based recovery) address practitioner issues in working with two common situations of family vulnerability: domestic violence and substance misuse. Both, interestingly, address some of the underlying belief systems that we, as practitioners, may hold – in the words of Jessica Wagner and colleagues:

‘Preconceived ideas can lead to prejudice and consequently to discrimination; practitioners’ preconceived ideas may, even unconsciously, affect their thinking, their assessment and finally the service that they may ‘gate keep’ or offer.’ (p. 40)

Both these papers challenge us to reflect on our own beliefs and perspectives as we work with vulnerable children and families. As with the earlier papers on faith and beliefs and our final CPD paper on mothers who have their children removed, they highlight that we all – practitioners, researchers and the families who we work with – hold belief systems and perspectives that can influence how we work together to ensure the safety and well-being of children.

All the papers in this first issue of the year for Child Abuse Review are freely available to read or download. Do click on the links below to browse the issue or to read my editorial or any of the papers.