Thoughts at the wedding of Lois and Peter

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion

We were like those who dreamed

Our mouths were filled with laughter

Our tongues with songs of joy

Then it was said among the nations

The Lord has done great things for them

The Lord has done great things for us

And we are filled with joy

 

Restore our fortunes Lord

Like streams in the Negev

Those who sow with tears

Will reap with songs of joy

Those who go out weeping

Carrying seed to sow

Will return with songs of joy

Carrying sheaves with them.

Psalm 126

 

IMG_8992

The Psalm you have chosen opens with a theme of restoration.

We know that for you Peter and Lois there have been many days, weeks, months, years of pain, of grief, of loss, of descent

But this is a song of ascent

A song of hope

And today this is your song!

 

The song talks of dreamers

This connection, this relationship is a gift, a surprise, something you had never dreamt of

Allowing you to dream again, to dream some new dreams

(We have noticed how dreamy you have been in the last few weeks)

 

And as it is in this psalm, you have friends from all over the world, among the nations who do say of you at this time “The Lord has done great things for them”

And we can see in your faces, even without words, you are saying today

“The Lord has done great things for them!”

 

The second verse of our psalm today talks about sowing in tears

I want to testify to the way I personally watched Peter and Lois do this

From my read of scripture and my experience of the messy, broken world I come up with few givens in life

Pain, mess, brokenness – unavoidable

Our only solid ground is in God

There is a painting by a New Zealand artist Colin McCahon, (which I had on my wall as a student but I saw again recently), one of his moody New Zealand landscapes which has the prophetic writing underneath saying

“Tomorrow will be the same but not as this”

Change and continuity

Change is inevitable

God is our continuity

 

And part of the grace and generosity of the Holy Spirit is that there is nothing,

Nothing that we will face that by trusting faithfully, that gritty, tough honest, humble, hanging on and going through it with God,

There is nothing that does not transform us to be more like Jesus

This is a miraculous reality

A reassurance for us all

This is the miracle I have witnessed in both Peter and Lois

I have watched them, each of them, dig deeper into Jesus

To faithfully trust in the goodness of God

When it is hard and dark and lonely

And this deepened, honed, tested and matured faith is the fruit we see in Lois and Peter

For us it is a challenge and encouragement

For them it is the foundation on which they now build this marriage

 

They share this foundation of a whole hearted commitment to Jesus

Deep belonging in the body of Christ (not just to each other but to their family, their faith communities and to the wider church)

And they share a passion and a calling, a commitment to seeing the kingdom come where there is pain and darkness and injustice

Not many people are prepared to relocate to be a prayerful presence in the slums of Kolkata

Not many people are prepared to dedicate their medical career to the gritty areas of child protection

Again for us this is a challenge and an encouragement

For Lois and Peter it is their shared foundation

Therefore they will of course continue to sow not only in their own tears but in the tears of others, sharing the pain with them and seeking for them this hope and restoration that they themselves are finding.

 

As I was praying this week I had a sense of both the whirlwind of this romance

It has been surprising and moving and sudden

But at the same time I think we all share a sense of something still and restful and peaceful at the core of this relationship that has the mark of God in the centre

 

So this is the new dawn

Although the reality is that it’s late in the day today

There’s a new dawn here

Peter and Lois you have asked yourself

“Can I find rest here, in this relationship?”

“Can I make home here, in this relationship?”

And the answer is “yes”

And “Can our marriage, committed in Christ bear this fruit that the Psalm today talks about, the fruit of the kingdom of God?”

The answer is “yes”

 

Jenny Duckworth, 21.2.14

 

 

Our wedding day – 21 February 2014

Our wedding day

The sun is shining in a clear blue sky over Auckland.  We are both feeling incredibly blessed, and excited about the journey ahead.

I remembered this morning a piece by Caroline Adams which I came across last year:

“Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path… exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.”  

How to organise a wedding

  1. Plan a 3 month sabbatical in a warm, sunny part of the world
  2. Book yourself into a monastery for a time of deep contemplation
  3. Find a totally gorgeous Kiwi and fall in love
  4. Pretend that you are still being deeply spiritual at the monastery
  5. Go for a sunset walk on the beach and ask the totally gorgeous Kiwi to marry you
  6. When she accepts, surprise your friends by announcing it on Facebook
  7. Choose a date for the wedding that will fit within your 3-month sabbatical
  8. Find some friends with a perfect venue for an informal, outdoor wedding, complete with large grounds and swimming pool
  9. Find a friendly passing Bishop and ask him to marry you
  10. Farm out all organisation – BBQ, wedding cake, flowers, food etc. to various friends
  11. Identify a nearby Kumeu river winery that does cellar door tastings to choose your wine and champagne
  12. Find some relatives with a free beach house, complete with hot tub, for a honeymoon
  13. Send the totally gorgeous Kiwi out to buy a wedding dress
  14. Make sure you have a clean T-shirt and shorts to wear on the day
  15. Invite a few friends and relatives
  16. Disappear for two weeks to go tramping and visit friends in the South Island, relaxed in the knowledge that everything will fall into place, and if it doesn’t, well you’ll have fun anyway!

An unexpected journey

Here, surrounded by vistas of Middle Earth, I am feeling a certain affinity to Bilbo Baggins.

“This hobbit was a very well-to-do hobbit, and his name was Baggins. The Bagginses had lived in the neighbourhood of The Hill for time out of mind, and people considered them very respectable, not only because most of them were rich, but also because they never had any adventures or did anything unexpected: you could tell what a Baggins would say on any question without the bother of asking him. This is a story of how a Baggins had an adventure, and found himself doing and saying things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the neighbours’ respect, but he gained—well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end.” 

Bilbo

So, here I am in New Zealand, enjoying stunning scenery; peace and stillness; time to read and reflect; crazy, fun-loving community; the wonders of creation; good food, good wine (though with an enforced abstinence at the moment – Ngatiawa is open to all sorts of people from the communities of Urban Vision, including, at times, people recovering from addictions); and much, much more.

So where is this journey taking me?  The past three years have been such an incredible journey: I have gone from being a fit, active ‘young’ man at the peak of my career, carrying huge responsibilities, with a wonderful, settled family, through a stroke/TIA, Helen’s death, first Esther and now Joe moving away to University, completing a major national research study, two of my closest colleagues leaving Warwick Medical School, deciding to close down the Masters course I was running…

I have had to learn to slow down, to take life at a gentler pace.  For the first time in my career I have taken time off sick.  I’ve cut back my hours to a more normal full-time job (why did I not do that during all the preceding years with Helen?).  I’ve trained myself to walk slowly, reduced my average driving speed by 5-10mph, and learned to say ‘no’ far more.  At the same time, I’ve felt myself going much deeper – with myself, with others and with God.  I’ve loved the times of silent retreat I’ve been able to take at St Beuno’s in North Wales, my quiet space each morning, walks in the park and by canals with Neo, and a more contemplative approach to my own spiritual journey.  I think I have changed.  In many ways I feel I am living life even more fully than before.  I have been through periods when tears have been my companion, day and night.  I’ve felt the gut-wrenching agony of grief.  And the more gentle acceptance that I’m not always in control, nor my life always neat and tidy.  And I’ve learnt once more to laugh and smile.  To have fun with friends, to sit and enjoy a quiet glass of wine, or an evening of laughter in the pub.  In all of this, I have been so very aware of just how blessed I am.  Of the love and support of so many friends.  Of the pride I feel in two wonderful children.  And of the privileges I experience day on day.

I planned this sabbatical last Easter while visiting Asia with Esther and Joe.  I had considered all sorts of options, and it really felt as though coming to New Zealand and Ngatiawa was the right thing for me at this stage.  I felt I needed a place of peace and security in which to refresh and recharge, and time to explore what this next phase of my life might look like.  Over the ensuing months, and as I’ve spent time here at Ngatiawa, two priorities have dominated my thoughts: hospitality (of heart and hearth) and stillness (of body, mind and spirit).

Hospitality in the sense of being available for people, spending time with family and friends, investing in relationships – it seems to me nothing can be more important than that; to both give and receive friendship and love.  I know I haven’t always done that well, and I’m sorry that, in the busyness of my life, my friends and family so often get neglected.  I will need help, and for others to hold me to account, but I hope that I can make that a priority over this next stage of my journey.

Stillness seems to be such a rare gift in our frantic lives.  But I have been so blessed in the places of stillness I have been able to find over these recent years.  So I find myself wanting to go deeper, to explore the depths of silence; to know myself, to know God, and to appreciate this amazing world we live in.  And I want to be able to bless others with something of the same.  It seems to me that so many people long for some peace – whether that stems from the busy lives they lead, or from violence, abuse, grief, anxiety.  And this, too, is something I can receive from other people.

And now for the unexpected, surprising bit of the journey.  As I have been travelling down this road, I have discovered an unexpected and rather wonderful companion who seems to share the same dreams and passions, and who also has been moving into a new phase of her life.  Lois Baldwin (the lovely Lois) is a longstanding friend of ours through Servants.  In fact, it was Lois who, unwittingly, started me on this more contemplative path by introducing me to St Beuno’s after she spent three months there in 2009 following the break-up of her marriage.  Helen had known her well and done a lot with her over the years in Servants.  Lois had actually been with Helen during her final two weeks in Manila and had been a huge blessing to her during that time; she then came over to the UK later in 2012 to tidy up Helen’s work with Servants UK and internationally.  Since then, Lois and I have vaguely kept in touch and, over recent months found an increasing connection with each other in our emails and Skype conversations.

So in the few weeks leading up to my departure, my sabbatical started to take on a very different shape.  After a week together in Auckland, Lois has joined me here at Ngatiawa, where we are both spending time engaging in the community life here, each finding time to do our own thing (so keeping with my original sabbatical goals), and spending time together in a supportive, wholesome environment.  And so it was that last Friday evening, we found ourselves walking along the deserted sands of Waikanae beach, the waves gently caressing the shore, and the warm southern sun slowly sinking below Kapiti Island, and Lois agreed to marry me (well actually, it was rather cold and blowing a bit of a gale, and dark grey clouds obscured the sun, but she did still agree to marry me!)

So perhaps, like Bilbo, I have found myself doing and saying things altogether unexpected, but it does feel as though I have set out on a rather wonderful, exciting and new adventure.