How not to be a spiritual bottom-shuffler: growing in Christ-like spirituality

Jesus called a little child to him, and placed the child among them.And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matt 18:3)

This is surely one of the most challenging and puzzling statements made by Jesus.

So it was an inspiring challenge to talk on this at a Christian Medical Fellowship breakfast at the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health annual scientific meeting in Liverpool. Here’s a little synopsis of some of the key points we discussed together.

If becoming like a little child is an absolute prerequisite to entering the kingdom of heaven, what does it mean to change and become like little children?

Although there were a lot of qualities identified (fun, innocence, trust, wonder, creativity, exploration, dependency…) I chose to focus on three essential qualities of little children:

Vulnerability
Belovedness
Transformation

Vulnerability

Children are vulnerable: dependent on their parents/carers; not independent.

They are themselves, they haven’t put up masks.

They need nurture, protection, care

That, perhaps is our starting point if we are to ‘enter the kingdom of heaven’: we may end up in a state of vulnerability/humility because of our circumstances: bereavement, illness, burn-out… Or we may choose to embrace such vulnerability/humility. Perhaps that is what Jesus meant by saying ‘take up your cross’. We can choose to open ourselves up to the pains of our hurting world.

Whichever route we take, it will be painful. We have to acknowledge that we are dependent, that we can’t solve everything – either for ourselves or for others

For me, two important parts of my journey have been my time in Cambodia in the early 1990s: coming face to face with suffering, poverty, exploitation and injustice in a way that was truly heart-breaking and with which I was forced to acknowledge that I was powerless to change; and then the very personal vulnerability I experienced in 2011-12 when I experienced a mini-stroke and then, six months’ later, the sudden and unexpected death of my first wife, Helen.

Belovedness

However, both those periods, and particularly the latter were also times when I experienced an overwhelming awareness of my own belovedness: recognising that I am a beloved child of God, and that, even through all the pain and turmoil, I could know the security of being loved.

And that is the second key child-like quality that I think is an essential prerequisite of being a part of God’s kingdom: unless something is seriously wrong with their parents, all children are beloved. Every new parent believes their baby is beautiful. I see that time and time again when I spend time with families, even with families who are going through really challenging circumstances: almost without exception it is abundantly clear that they love their children, and in those rare cases where that isn’t present, it is very clear that something is seriously wrong.

Transformation

The third essential quality of a child is that they are always changing: growing and developing; they do not stay still. Children develop: physically, mentally, socially, spiritually. And that can happen safely when they are loved, and out of a starting point of vulnerability. So we, too, if we are to be a part of God’s kingdom can’t stagnate and think that we’ve made it. We need to change, to be transformed.

And we, who with unveiled faces, all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:18)

Spiritual Bottom-shufflers?

So where does the bottom shuffling come in? This excerpt from Growing up to be a child sums it up:

As a paediatrician, I am often referred young children who are delayed in their development, including those who are slow in learning to walk. Sometimes there is a genuine underlying medical disorder preventing them from acquiring those skills. These children typically fall into one of two broad groups: those with low muscle tone (hypotonia) and those with high muscle tone (hypertonia).

Children with hypotonia have weak, floppy muscles which are unable to support their weight effectively. We find this, for example, in children with Down syndrome. Those with hypertonia, such as children with some forms of cerebral palsy, have stiff, inflexible muscles. They find it equally difficult to walk, but for different reasons: their muscles, though stiff, are still weak, and they cannot easily achieve the coordination and balance to stand upright.

When I am assessing a young child’s ability to stand and walk, I need to provide him with support and a stable base so he feels secure. In order to do this, I typically sit or kneel on the floor, with the child sitting between my legs, his back to me. When the child is sitting like that, he feels secure and safe. Those with high muscle tone often relax, enabling me to move their legs and assess the muscle strength.

Once I have the child properly relaxed, I will gently lift him to a more upright position, his trunk still supported against me, my arms around him, keeping him from falling. In that position, the child can feel secure and is able to take some weight on his legs, perhaps even taking some preliminary, supported steps.

I often think of God being like that with me. In my spiritual development, I may feel weak and hypotonic, unable to stand up in the face of difficult challenges. Or I may try too hard, my hypertonic spiritual muscles getting in the way of my attempts to go forward. I may feel insecure and afraid of falling or getting things wrong, or I may have already been hurt by life’s events and be feeling a bit bruised and battered. In all those situations, I picture God as a heavenly paediatrician, holding me securely in his embrace, giving me the strength and courage to take those first, tentative steps.

That is the picture conveyed by Hosea’s passionate words of God’s love for the people of Israel: ‘It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms’.[1] God is someone we can trust, who will not let us fall. Secure in God’s loving embrace, we can step out, even into the hardest of situations.

Bottom shufflers

But we need to take those steps. Often, with children I assess for developmental delay, there is no underlying medical problem. It is simply that they are taking longer than other children to get there.

One of the commonest reasons for this delay is children who, instead of learning to walk, are quite happy shuffling about on their bottoms. These ‘bottom-shufflers’ can sometimes get about at incredible speeds. They are quite content being able to explore their world from the secure base of their bottoms. Why bother to stand up and risk getting hurt if you can get about satisfactorily on your bottom?

We, in our spiritual lives, may be similar. We are content to stay on our bottoms, accepting a gentle and non-threatening spirituality. But God doesn’t want us to stay there. He wants us to stand, to walk, to run. We need to take the risk. We need to step out and accept the falls and bumps that brings, secure in the knowledge of God’s overarching love for us.

And, like a young toddler learning to walk, when we do fall over, we don’t need to stay there. God gives us both the ability and the motivation to get up and walk again.

[1] Hosea 11:3.

April 24, 2016

Banksy on the mount IV: Be the change you want to see in the world…

Now when he saw the crowds,

he went into the urban jungle

and began to paint…

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven…

for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

No-one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

.Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink;

or about your body, what you will wear.

Is not life more important than food,

and the body more important than clothes?

And why do you worry about clothes?

See how the lilies of the field grow.

They do not labour or spin.

Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged,

and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you..

Ask and it will be given to you;

seek and you will find;

knock and the door will be opened to you.

In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.

Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven…

but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven.

But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

To see the rest of the series, Click on Let Justice Roll>Banksy on the mount

April 24, 2016April 24, 2016

The hills are alive!

“Take rest once more, O my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.”

Psalm 116:7

Last week I was taken by surprise with an unexpected joy.

I had headed North to Kettlewell for a few days’ quiet retreat at Scargill House – a wonderful little community in the heart of the Yorkshire Dales. As I drove up through the traffic of M6, the drizzly rain somewhat reflected how my spirit was feeling. I had been struggling over recent weeks with a sense of heaviness: anger at some of the injustice around us; feeling perplexed by a God who seems to make it unbelievably difficult for people to find; grappling with some of the deep paradoxes of a faith that appears to provide more questions than answers. And then, that morning, I had heard the news that a dear friend, whom I was planning to see that day, had died during the night.

So I wasn’t quite sure what I was letting myself in for by going on retreat. I was steeling myself for three days of wrestling with the hard questions, shedding a few tears, and shouting at God.

As I drove into Wharfedale, however, the rain stopped, and by the time I’d settled into my room and had a cup of tea and my first helping of the wonderful cakes that the community magically produce each day, the sun was shining on the moors above.

So I put on my boots and headed out for a short stroll up through the woods before evening prayer. As I climbed up to the crags, my spirit seemed to lift within me, as a symphony of birds surrounded me. Out on the top, the skies were now clear with a bright sun slowly sinking towards the western side of the valley. I found myself running over the mossy banks, my soul jumping and dancing inside, just like the two little deer that I had startled on my way up. There’s no way I could explain this immense feeling of joy.

Eventually as the dusk started to gather around me, I wandered back down through the woods, and as I approached Scargill House I could see the community gathering for prayer in their amazing Scandinavian-style wood chapel. Running down the last few hundred yards, I left my boots at the door and thought I might just slip quietly into the chapel to join the others for evening prayer.

That was not to be. The chapel at Scargill is set up in such a way that as you enter, you are in full view of everyone who is sitting there in pious contemplation!

So, feeling rather sheepishly like Maria von-Trapp-to-be, I took my place just as the community was settling down to a time of silent contemplation on Psalm 114.

“Why was it, O Sea, that you fled,

O Jordan, that you turned back,

You mountains that you skipped like rams,

You hills, like lambs?”

Psalm 114: 5,6

I suspect that God, too, was having a bit of a chuckle.

April 23, 2016April 22, 2016

Child Abuse Review: 25 years of supporting professionals and still improving

Yesterday we had our editorial board meeting for Child Abuse Review. It was encouraging to reflect on how the journal has been going and think about how we can make it even better for our readers and our authors.

Improving our readers’ experience

Child Abuse Review has always prided itself in publishing high quality research that is relevant to practitioners, accessible and readable. So it was encouraging to hear from our publishers that our article downloads have increased another 3% last year to nearly 80,000 from across the globe. We are always looking for ways to improve what we produce and how, so if you have any ideas do let us know. One particularly successful initiative last year was to produce a virtual issue on Child Protection in Nordic Countries, available freely for a short time. This has been followed by one on child sexual abuse and children’s rights, and others now in the pipeline:

Children’s oral health and wellbeing
Child sexual exploitation
Parental mental health problems

Keep an eye on the website for details of those, or sign up for our free contents alerts.

The number of full-text downloads for articles published in the journal has also increased this year, with our top 10 articles receiving an average of over 1,000 downloads:

Banksy on the Mount III: The Lord’s Prayer

Now when he saw the crowds,

he went into the urban jungle

and began to paint…

When you pray, go into your own room, shut the door,

and pray to your father who is there in secret.

And when you fast,

do not look sombre as the hypocrites do,

for they disfigure their faces

to show everyone they are fasting.

This then is how you should pray:

Our father in heaven

Hallowed be your name

Your kingdom come

Your will be done on earth as in heaven

Give us today our daily bread

Forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil.

April 11, 2016

If I saw Mum was upset… Children’s experiences of coercive control

‘If I saw Mum was upset I’d give her a cuddle or something like that, try and make her feel happy.’ (Bob, aged 12)

The Archers –

a ‘contemporary drama in a rural setting’ – is apparently the world’s longest-running radio soap opera.

Recently it has barged its way into our national consciousness with the unfolding storyline of the increasingly controlling behaviour of one of the main characters, Rob Titchener, towards his new wife, Helen. The narrative appears to have captured something of the reality of coercive and controlling behaviour that many women (and also fewer, though still many, men) in our society suffer as a daily, lived experience.

It is a reality that I am coming across increasingly in the Serious Case Reviews I have been studying as part of a Department for Education-funded project to explore the lessons that can be learned nationally from serious and fatal child maltreatment. Out of 175 case reviews where a child has died or been seriously harmed through abuse or neglect, 94 (54%) have had evidence of domestic violence within the parents’ relationships. I suspect the reality may be even higher.

And, sadly, that doesn’t capture the far greater numbers of children living with the fear and intimidation of ongoing domestic violence (both physical and through other coercive behaviours).

Beyond the physical incident model

In our January issue of Child Abuse Review, we published an important paper by Emma Katz from Liverpool Hope University: Beyond the physical incident model: How children living with domestic violence are harmed by and resist regimes of coercive control. Dr Katz interviewed 15 mothers and 15 children who had managed to separate from perpetrators of domestic violence.

‘Lots of times when Mum was giving me attention he’d tell her to go over to him so she’d have to leave me to play by myself.’ (Shannon, aged 10)

The responses to her interviews demonstrated how, even in the absence of specific incidents of physical violence, these children and young people experienced horrific lives which were dominated by the coercive, controlling behaviour of the perpetrators, including:

Control of the women’s and children’s time, movement and activities within the home
Preventing mothers spending time with their children
Limiting the children’s ability just to be children
Isolating mothers and children from their families, friends and sources of support
Restricting what mothers could spend their money on

‘[Because of the perpetrator’s/father’s control] I just didn’t go out, so then the children didn’t go out. It was just school and home. So they missed out on days out, family trips, socialising with people. And they’ve missed out on knowing what healthy relationships are about in other families because children don’t make as many friendships if you can’t mix with other mums.’ (Marie, mother)

However, in spite of the extremely negative impacts on these children, Dr Katz also found examples of remarkable resilience: of children and their mothers finding ways to support and sustain each other, and ultimately to escape from the entrapment that had been built around them.

In her paper, Dr Katz argues that we need to move beyond models based on specific incidents of physical violence, to be aware of the daily lived reality of many of these mothers and children, and to seek ways to recognise and support their attempts to build resilience and break free.

You can read and download Dr Katz’s report for free from the Child Abuse Review website.

April 9, 2016

Banksy on the mount II: Being salt and light

Now when he saw the crowds,

he went into the urban jungle

and began to paint…

You are the salt of the earth.

But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?

You are the light of the world…

in the same way, let your light shine before others,

that they may see your good deeds

and glorify your Father in heaven.

I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

You have heard that it was said,