Chapter seven of Growing up to be a child explores a child’s social development, how she learns to relate to other people, and in particular, the importance of attachment relationships:
In essence, attachment refers to a close emotional proximity between one person and another. We see this most clearly between a baby and her mother. The attachment bond provides security for the baby, along with emotional closeness that works both ways. Interestingly, attachment only really becomes significant in the context of separation. Indeed, the very purpose of attachment is to provide a secure base from which the developing child can explore the world; its ultimate goal is to enable independence. This is really quite important.
A young child who does not feel a strong, secure attachment to her mother (or another primary caregiver) will not feel able to step away from that base, and so will not learn to explore the world. In contrast, a baby who has a secure attachment relationship can launch out, confident that her mother will still be there if something goes wrong. The baby crawls away from her mother to explore. The moment the baby senses any threat, she scuttles back to the security of her mother. As time goes on, this attachment relationship is strengthened, and the baby ventures further and further afield, each time coming back to her mother if she starts feeling anxious or if anything threatens her. Eventually that security allows her to separate completely from her mother for prolonged periods of time, still confident that her mother will be there if she needs her.
I go on to explore how an understanding of the concept of attachment might help us in learning to relate to God, and in understanding the way God relates to us:
I think God wants us to develop secure attachment relationships with him, and this is perhaps a part of what Jesus is calling us to when he tells us to become like little children. He wants us to be secure in the knowledge that God is there and is caring for us. From that base, he wants is to be able to step out confidently into the situations God places us in.
That, however, is dependent on God being attuned to us and demonstrating qualities that foster a secure attachment. Thus we need to know that God is faithful, that he will not change, that his attitude to us is caring and responsive, that he will neither harm us nor turn away from us when we turn to him, and that he will be there when we need him.
In this latest contemplative companion, we reflect on what it might mean to have a secure attachment relationship with the God who loves us.